Shakerules Diaries

There’s no power like that of first love. Before it happens, your heart is a blank canvas, an unwritten story. That’s what I was until I met you.

You rattled parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. You showed me a kind of happiness that I had no idea I was capable of feeling. You made me feel wanted, you made me feel needed. You taught me so much, and you exploded my world. A few months of walking on sunshine like that and nothing will ever look the same to me again.

Now it’s over, and I’m halfway across the world. My canvas is a mess, splattered with wild blotches of colour, barely any bits of white left. My pages are overflowing with words strung together into sentences, stained with ink blotches, creased and torn. Scrubbing may free up some space but it will never get rid of the traces. Every other mark made for the rest of my life will be compared to and intertwined with the ones left by you.

Nothing will ever match how safe I felt belonging to you, because only in the aftermath do I now understand that I’m not safe belonging to anybody. Love takes courage. You are forced to become vulnerable, to face and surrender the most fragile parts of yourself. It’s impossible to do it with the same naïve, reckless abandon the second or third time around.

I don’t know what this summer will bring, but all I can hope for is the strength to deal with it when the time comes. There’s no power like that of first love. I may not have been yours, but you were mine, and for that I know that I will always, always love you.

I stopped talking to you so you would miss me, but in the end, I’m the one missing you more than ever…

The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tight, the best way to keep love is to give it — WINGS!

The moment when someone loves you, but you don’t love him back. You like someone else who’s not interested in you, and you seem to be invisible in his world. Struggling all the time to find a way to make him notice you somehow, but still, you always fail to caught his attention. Then, when you spot him talking to another girl, you simply get jealous, you always wish that your story is similar to the romance flicks you see on tv. In the end, you still failed to get him to notice you, and you’re all “emo” by the corner and always not in the mood to talk to your peers. You don’t seem to know, but there’s a person who simply thinks you’re perfect to his eyes, still, you don’t seem to notice him since he’s not your type.

It’s the inside that matters. By the time you realized it, he already left you and you’ll regret everything.

Lulan ako ng bus kanina, habang pauwi. Tinawagan niya ako para hantayin ako makauwi. Nagtampo kasi ako sa kanya kahapon nung hindi niya ako maantay makauwi’t gusto na niyang matulog. Mali ko rin yun, pero as usual, nagpapalambing lang naman ako. Medyo matamlay na ang kanyang boses, marahil na rin siguro sa pagod at sa antok. Kalahating oras pa bago ako makauwi sa amin, pero nagsisimula na siyang tumahimik. Naubusan na rin ako ng makwento kaya’t hindi na rin ako masyadong nagsasalita. Inaantay na lang niya akong makauwi.

Medyo pumipikit na rin ang mga mata ko, dahil na rin siguro sa lamig ng bus at sa pagkahilo sa byahe. Sabay tugtog ng “Heaven Knows” sa radyo. Sabi niya sa akin, wag daw akong madaldal at pinapakinggan niya yung kanta. Sinabayan ko na lang ang kanta.

Naging habit ko na ang pag kanta sa kanya, lalo na sa mga panahong nahihirapan siyang matulog. Alam kong hindi kagandahan ang boses ko, pero hindi pa naman pumalya. Naalala ko noon, gumagamit pa siya ng sleeping pills para lang makatulog ng maaga. Pero ngayon, hindi na. Siguro dahil na rin sa trabaho, kaya’t nakakatulog siya kaagad. Pero, kahit papaano, nagagawa ko pa ring kumanta sa kanya hanggang sa siya’y mahimbing.

Ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam kapag sinasabi niyang, “Kantahan mo na lang ako” sa tuwing hindi siya nakakatulog. Kahit gaano siya kalayo, napapangiti pa rin niya ako sa isang iglap lang. Walang mintis.

Natahimik na ang telepono. Tunog na lang ng mga sasakyan ang naririnig ko. Naririnig ko ang pag lalim ng kanyang pag hinga. Mahimbing na siya sa pagkakatulog, habang naglalakad ako sa Quirino Highway. Gusto ko pa sanang pakinggan ang kanyang paghimbing, pero kailangan kong sumakay sa maingay na tricycle. Baka magising lang siya kung nagkataon, kaya’t binaba ko na muna ang telepono.

Gusto ko pang pakinggan ang paghimbing mo. Kahit sa telepono lang, mahele kita’t mabantayan sa pagtulog mo. Para maramdaman mo na hindi kita pababayaan, kahit malayo ako sa’yo.

In Tagalog;

“Love You” means “Mahal Ka”
“I Love You” means “Mahal Kita”

and According To Reader’s Digest;

Saying “Love You” is a lie.
Saying “I Love You” is true.

The energy of hatred won’t get you anywhere; but the energy of forgiveness, which reveals itself through love, will transform your life in a positive way.

In a place where people gather to chat or to study, I anxiously wait for the clock to strike 4pm, hoping that I will see her pass by, seeing her beautiful face once more. I don’t know what will I do if it happened that I saw her, should I greet her? Should I say sorry for what I said to her? I am afraid to go near her, every time I go near her, her presence freezes me, I became speechless, all the things I wanted to say to her just fade away. I was a coward (yes, I admit), I don’t have the strength to tell her face to face the emotions that’s piling up in my mind and in my heart. I began to think that I should make a distance between us. I want to free my mind with the thought of her.

There are times that my jealousy has taken over me, times where every time I ask her if she need some help on something, every time I ask her to go out to share some thoughts, even in simple things, she refuses my help, my presence. There is always a time when she refuses my help, she accepts what her friend is giving her. She even told me that out of all the people, she cannot accept anything that coming from me. What does it mean? She doesn’t like me? I came to a thought that she doesn’t care about me.
This past weekend, I talked to her through text, I told her that I will not disturb them anymore, I mean she and her friend. After I told her that, she disappeared, she never replied to me again, she leaves a clue that was only visible to me, as if it was a secret message: Goodbye.

Why?

Is that question worth answering?

No. Because behind the answer is my inability to be close to the person I like, I love. Is it worth fighting her and persuade her to comeback? Begging her to give me another chance to prove my love to her?
It will be a kind of odd decision; it would be better I suffer the things that was happened in the past, where the people I’ve be close with had left me. It would be better I lock myself in a room, pretending that I’m okay even if inside me my chest is hurting so badly. For a while, I’ll think of her obsessively, I’ll bore my friends telling them that she is gone.

I try to justify what had happened; I began to think of the times when we had moments together. She stills the girl I can’t forget, but I’m trying my best to forget her. I’ll find other women. As I walk to a canteen, a library, a classroom, a mall, a corridor, I keep seeing women who could be her. I’ll suffer day and nights. This may even take weeks or months. I don’t know if i can forget her.

“Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before; it will happen again I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about o arrive – I’ll find love again.”

‎

“If I had one wish, wouldn’t wish for you to love me… because I don’t want your love came from a wish but rather straight from the heart”

IN THIS HOUSE…
we are REAL
WE MAKE MISTAKES
we say I’M SORRY
WE GIVE SECOND CHANCES
WE HAVE FUN
WE GIVE HUGS
WE FORGIVE
we do REALLY LOUD
WE ARE PATIENT
WE LOVE!

Follow your Heart! BUT …. Take Your Brain With You !!

Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your
mind is full of tensions.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where Health and Relations are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark – don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, Enjoy with your friends, fall in love, little fights with your loved Ones . We are people, not programmed devices.

Don‘t be serious, be sincere.

When you’re in love with someone who doesn’t care about you anymore you should walk away because you are only hurting yourself. You may still love them but just because you are in love with them does not mean you should stay if they are not giving you love in return…

BOY: Pwede ba kita mahawakan kahit saglit?
GIRL: Hawak lang naman pala eh sige. Pero bakit?

( Kinuha ni boy kamay ni girl at biglang ngumiti )

GIRL: Oh eh ano nginingiti ngiti mo?
BOY: Wala lang. Natutuwa lang ako.. Kasi..

Sa wakas. Naabot ko din ang pinapangarap ko…

Make the most of everyday, don´t waste an opportunity to smile ,to be happy and to share Love, Life is too short to live it without happiness. If you need to forgive to be in peace , forgive, Sometimes forgiving other people for their wrong actions even that they are not worthy of them, will give Us peace to keep living in our journey with Harmony. What is important is our Happiness, our Life, our own experience. It is better to live a life without hate that live with pain in our Hearts. FORGIVE AND FORGET, find your Peace, Live Happy and in Harmmony with your Soul and with other Souls. You deserve it.

Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.

~Henry Louis Mencken