Browsing "Heartaches"

Face it, and be strong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moment when someone loves you, but you don’t love him back. You like someone else who’s not interested in you, and you seem to be invisible in his world. Struggling all the time to find a way to make him notice you somehow, but still, you always fail to caught his attention. Then, when you spot him talking to another girl, you simply get jealous, you always wish that your story is similar to the romance flicks you see on tv. In the end, you still failed to get him to notice you, and you’re all “emo” by the corner and always not in the mood to talk to your peers. You don’t seem to know, but there’s a person who simply thinks you’re perfect to his eyes, still, you don’t seem to notice him since he’s not your type.

It’s the inside that matters. By the time you realized it, he already left you and you’ll regret everything.

The energy of hatred won’t get you anywhere…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The energy of hatred won’t get you anywhere; but the energy of forgiveness, which reveals itself through love, will transform your life in a positive way.

In a place where people gather to chat or to study, I anxiously wait for the clock to strike 4pm, hoping that I will see her pass by, seeing her beautiful face once more. I don’t know what will I do if it happened that I saw her, should I greet her? Should I say sorry for what I said to her? I am afraid to go near her, every time I go near her, her presence freezes me, I became speechless, all the things I wanted to say to her just fade away. I was a coward (yes, I admit), I don’t have the strength to tell her face to face the emotions that’s piling up in my mind and in my heart. I began to think that I should make a distance between us. I want to free my mind with the thought of her.

There are times that my jealousy has taken over me, times where every time I ask her if she need some help on something, every time I ask her to go out to share some thoughts, even in simple things, she refuses my help, my presence. There is always a time when she refuses my help, she accepts what her friend is giving her. She even told me that out of all the people, she cannot accept anything that coming from me. What does it mean? She doesn’t like me? I came to a thought that she doesn’t care about me.
This past weekend, I talked to her through text, I told her that I will not disturb them anymore, I mean she and her friend. After I told her that, she disappeared, she never replied to me again, she leaves a clue that was only visible to me, as if it was a secret message: Goodbye.

Why?

Is that question worth answering?

No. Because behind the answer is my inability to be close to the person I like, I love. Is it worth fighting her and persuade her to comeback? Begging her to give me another chance to prove my love to her?
It will be a kind of odd decision; it would be better I suffer the things that was happened in the past, where the people I’ve be close with had left me. It would be better I lock myself in a room, pretending that I’m okay even if inside me my chest is hurting so badly. For a while, I’ll think of her obsessively, I’ll bore my friends telling them that she is gone.

I try to justify what had happened; I began to think of the times when we had moments together. She stills the girl I can’t forget, but I’m trying my best to forget her. I’ll find other women. As I walk to a canteen, a library, a classroom, a mall, a corridor, I keep seeing women who could be her. I’ll suffer day and nights. This may even take weeks or months. I don’t know if i can forget her.

“Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before; it will happen again I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about o arrive – I’ll find love again.”

We had all make mistakes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We all make mistakes,When you live in each moment-Until its too late. Its always too late when you’re looking at the world through a frosted window in which you trace”i believe” with your fingertips… You have so much to send on your end, but no one to send back the love you need.
Being one in a million means nothing when the odds are against you.

And maybe it would be easier to not feel at all, and you couldnt miss anything if you never had the chance to fall. Whoever put the word “lie” in “believe”,made a believer out of me.

And if my whispers never leave your thoughts please remember: “i am one in a million and i never wanted to fit in anywhere except your heart”, and this line from a song along with my whispers will start to fade like i have. Does anyone know what to do with a heart like mine?

I only know how to love with everything that i am. Saving smiles for you was the last thing i thought would bring me down. And when you wear your heart on your sleeve, You are begging to bleed. One thing you can be sure of,is that your story will have chapters to last.

Without them you’d be an empty book. One thing is certain, in these pages you’ll find a story of a different kind. I’m just a girl but Im still breathing, And im still dreaming..

Jelly Beans

Hindi ako mahilig sa jelly beans. Pero nung dumating yung jelly beans galing sa sister ng roommate ko, naintriga ako. Isang malaking garapon ng jelly beans na siguro ay mga 1000 ang laman at may 49 flavors. Hinanap ko agad yung chocolate pudding na flavor na nakalagay sa listahan. Lahat ng kulay brown, kinuha ko. Pero hindi chocolate ang lasa ng mga jelly beans na kinain ko. May coffee, may plum, may licorice, may rootbeer… ngunit walang chocolate. Sa kakahanap ng chocolate flavor, hindi ko napapansin ang ibang 48 flavors na nasa garapon. At na-realize ko, ikaw ang the elusive chocolate pudding flavor na jelly bean sa buhay ko. Na-obsessed ako sa lahat ng kulay brown na jelly beans. Iyong roommate ko, na-explore na yung ibang flavor. May bubble gum flavor, may piña colada, may peanut butter, may sizzling cinnamon, may caramel popcorn. Lahat yun, nasarapan sya. Ako, hindi ko pinapansin ang ibang jelly beans. Naka-tuon ang pansin ko sa brown jelly beans. Parang ikaw. Sa kakahabol sa iyo, hindi ko na napansin ang ibang lalake sa paligid ko. Masyado akong naka-focus sa yo, kaya napapalampas ko na ang mga matitinong lalake na nagbibigay interes sa akin. Parang yung ibang flavors ng jelly beans na hindi ko natikman dahil ang gusto ko talaga eh yung chocolate pudding. Iyong roommate ko, natikman na nya ang chocolate pudding na jelly bean. Ang swerte naman niya, natikman nya agad ang flavor na gusto ko. Hindi niya hinahangad, yun pa ang napunta sa kanya. Sabi niya, hindi naman daw masarap ung chocolate pudding na jelly bean. Ordinaryo lang ang lasa. Hindi tulad nung mga favorite nyang flavor. Pinatikim nya sa akin yung toasted marshmallow saka ung strawberry cheesecake, masarap naman. Pero, yung chocolate pudding talaga gusto ko eh. Ganon yata talaga yun. Mas gusto natin yung hindi natin nakukuha. Nung finally natikman ko ang chocolate pudding na jelly bean, napasigaw ako. At last, nakuha ko rin ang gusto ko. Pero, nung ninamnam ko ang lasa, hindi nga sya masarap. Hindi sya ganun ka fabulous. Parang ordinaryong chocolate lang na pinalambot. Pero ang saya nung feeling na finally, nakuha ko rin yun. Matapos akong mapurga sa licorice at root beer flavors. Hindi ko pa natitikman ang lahat ng 49 flavors na jelly beans sa garapon. Nangangalahati na ang laman pero chocolate pa rin ang hinahanap ko kapag binubuksan ko ang takip. Fixated pa rin ako sa mga kulay brown na beans, kahit na mas appealing ang pink, violet at blue. Madalas, ibang flavor na nakukuha ko pero kapag sinuswerte, nahahagilap ko rin ang chocolate pudding. Oo, hindi worth the aggravation ang paghahanap sa chocolate pudding. Hindi worth ang paghahabol ko sa yo. Ordinaryo ka lang naman. Marami pang hihigit sa yo. May mga blueberry o cotton candy o strawberry daiquiri flavors na lalake sa paligid ko pero hindi ko pinapansin. Pero bakit kapag kakain ako ng jelly beans, chocolate pudding pa rin ang hinahanap ko? Bakit kahit na marami naman lalake dyan, ikaw pa rin ang gusto ko? Hay, siguro dahil sa nakasanayan ko na. As i always say, You Never Lose By Loving…… You Always Lose By Holding Back…. By Broken Vampire

Bawal Na Pag-ibig

Paano ko ipaglalaban ang isang pag-ibig na sa simula pa lang ay nababatid ko na kung sino ang talo?

Paano ko nga ba maipagpapatuloy ang isang relasyon kung nababatid ko na may mga taong masasaktan, may mga taong masasagasaan?

In life, there is really no such a wrong love

Nagiging mali lang ito depende sa pagkakataon, sitwasyon at taong paguukulan nito

Minsan sadyang mapagbiro ang tadhana…

Di natin maaaring planuhin kung kailan tayo magmamahal, di natin maaaring piliin kung sino ang ating iibigin

Kung sino pa ang hindi dapat mahalin, siya pa ang pilit itinitibok ng puso…

Ano mang gawing pagiwas, lalo lang nag-uumapaw ang pagnanais ng damdamin

Tunay na mahirap ang umibig sa maling pagkakataon, magmahal sa taong pag-aari na ng iba…

It is really hard to take a chance on a relationship if we have nothing to hold on to

We may feel happiness but not for too long…

Bawat sandaling magkasama ay pawang hiram…

Palaging nadarama ang takot, ang pangamba at pag-aalinlangan

Minsan naitatanong sa sarili “Ano ang karapatan ko sa’yo?”

Saan nga ba ako nakalugar sa puso mo?

Hindi ko alam kung sapat ba ang pag-ibig natin sa isa’t isa, kung hanggang kailan mo ako kayang mahalin…

Oo nga at masaya ako sa piling mo, pero minsan ang kaligayahan ay hindi usaping pangpuso lamang…

Ang pagkakaroon ng panatag na kalooban at isipan, kasama ang tunay na ngiti sa mga labi… Yan ang tunay na kaligayahan.

Paano nga ba maging masaya kung may mga tao akong nasasaktan?

Sometimes in a battle of love, one must surrender and give way…

No matter how you love each other

Sometimes, one must make a sacrifice and let go…

Even if it really hurts…

How can I hold on to you if I don’t own you?

Minsan ng pag-ibig ay katumbas ng pagbibigay at pagpapalaya…

at pagbitaw sa hindi naman talaga natin pagmamay-ari…

But I’m grateful… fate brought you into my life…

Maybe to teach me lessons in life, or maybe to learn how to fight temptations…

At kung sa huli, sakali mang magbiro ulit sa atin ang tadhana, sana umayon na sa atin ang pagkakataon….

Sana… Baka Sakali…

The Greatest Love Of All

This is a true story that happened in Japan. In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tear open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls.

When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stucked there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet.
He sees this, feels pity and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.

What happened? The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years!?!! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving,it is impossible and mind boggling.

Then he wondered, how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step – since its feet was nailed!
So, he stopped his work and observed the lizard,what has it been doing and what has it been eating? Later, don’t know from where appears another lizard,with food in its mouth… AHHH!

He was stunned and touched deeply. For the lizard that was stucked by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10 years…
Such a love, such a beautiful love!! Such love happened even on this tiny creature. What can love do? It can do wonders!! Love can do miracles!!

Imagine it has been doing it for a tiredsome 10 yrs, without giving up hope on its partner. Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with the brilliant mind can’t.

The Net Of Love

The boy returned home with his heart happily beating. He was tired, since he covered half of Budapest. He’s been anticipating this moment for more than 6 months when his savings will pay for his internet connection and the world will open before him. The often heard, almost slogan came into his mind: “The information superhighway will become the most heavily traveled road of the next century.”

What he felt was not quite happiness, but an emotion far more unique and noble played around his throat. He was proud to have broken out of the gray circle of dusty commonality. With the help of his computer he can even soar to places that have never before appeared on his mind’s horizon.

Ten p.m. The adventure is about to begin. He typed in his nick and passwords and in that instant it felt as though the sparks of his soul had just landed on the stage of night. He was ecstatic when he typed in the first address and the www page actually crackled onto his monitor. “This is fantastic. From now on I can be on the net as long as I want and never be bored. There are millions of pages waiting to be discovered!”

That is exactly how it was, at least for the first month or two. Then he felt that he needed something else. The holes he felt in his soul were not patched by the adventures. He was about to lay aside the magic net when he discovered something. Someone, from among those who were up to now, in the background shadows for our hero simply said: chat.

The fabric that had meant the world had once again became fully charged with excitement. It was true, he never experienced this before. He could talk with people ‘live’, who as himself, sat hunched over a plastic box filled with microchips and typed their questions and answers into tiny windows.

Time, once again, as a heartless thief had taken the fire from his eyes….that is, until suddenly a small blue square flashed. It was a girl who asked for help, and kindness over-flown from her words. It did not take much for the boy’s soul to comprehend perfect harmony. In this impersonal, yet in some ways far more personal world, two souls have touched.

The mirage of unlimited freedom had buckled his heart, into which an unexpected thought moved in: LOVE. He felt love toward someone he met only a few days before, and with whom he was able to exchange merely a few words, even those over a monitor. Someone he’s never seen. The keyboard revealed virtually nothing, yet the girl, that sweet butterfly, gave away part of her unblemished soul with every stroke of a key to that other heart who, with increasingly concentrated purpose whispered between bit-per-second that word which for humanity became overused, schematic, yet at the same time still represents the paradise of dreams.
Why should we always organize through the cool etiquette of reality? Why does the power appear silly that combined beauty with beast, and the soul with the soulful? Could it be that two people, two such individuals who perhaps never would have met had they not been caught in the elements of modern life, could it be that they are in love with each other?

A mere few hours of in-depth conversation, but the human emotion does not recognize the lifeless combination of time and distance. Emotions refuse to allow themselves to be pressed into the mold of the everyday routine, they don’t give in to the flooding emptiness and forceful attack of lifelessness. Treatherous waters for sure, never knowing who and when will show their real face or when they will hide behind a pleasant mask. But the girl was herself. The boy felt, he knew that his net-shine can not be false, can’t be fake. They met every night spending all possible time together.

This feeling was not present elsewhere: the boy was surrounded by his internet friends, and there was the Girl but still, his soul was afraid. The echo of emptiness, the cold buzz of evil always woke him from his sweetest dreams, fragmenting peaceful moments. These two souls still found each other. Found each other in the fabric of a world-wide net and in such a fashion that would never have been possible in the real world.

The same monitor that used to be seen as the surface for boring characters of a text, at this moment came to represent Life. Real Life. The few currents of electricity, the micrometer’s worth of magic that was constructed by thoughtful, expert hands and the hundreds of ilometers of telephone cable, like some kind of a vein as a warm life supplying vein in the body, tied to each other the boy and the girl, on that stormy, and netted night.

Based on his own experiences written by Thomas L.

Do It Today!

When I was superintendent of schools in Palo Alto, California, Polly Tyner, the president of our board of trustees, wrote a letter that was printed in the Palo Alto Times. Polly’s son, Jim, had great difficulty in school. He was classified as educationally handicapped and required a great deal of patience on the part of his parents and teachers. But Jim was a happy kid with a great smile that lit up the room. His parents acknowledged his academic difficulties, but always tried to help him see his strengths so that he could walk with pride. Shortly after Jim finished high school, he was killed in a motorcycle accident. After his death, his mother submitted this letter to the newspaper.

Today we buried our 20-year-old son. He was killed instantly in a motorcycle accident on Friday night. How I wish I had known when I talked to him last that it would be the last time. If I had only known I would have said, “Jim, I love you and I’m so very proud of you.”

I would have taken the time to count the many blessings he brought to the lives of the many who loved him. I would have taken time to appreciate his beautiful smile, the sound of his laughter, his genuine love of people.

When you put all the good attributes on the scale and you try to balance all the irritating traits such as the radio which was always too loud, the haircut that wasn’t to our liking, the dirty socks under the bed, etc., the irritations don’t amount to much.

I won’t get another chance to tell my son all I would have wanted him to hear, but, other parents, you do have a chance. Tell your young people what you would want them to hear if you knew it would be your last conversation. The last time I talked to Jim was the day he died. He called me to say, “Hi, Mom! I just called to say I love you. Got to go to work. Bye.” He gave me something to treasure forever.

If there is any purpose at all to Jim’s death, maybe it is to make others appreciate more of life and to have people, especially families, take the time to let each other know just how much we care.

You may never have another chance. Do it today!

Broken Promises

Married 11 years. This is my one and only love. He proposed to me on a playground. This was the man who taught me the meaning of love. We were a part of what God truly meant to be as husband and wife. My best friend, an aura of comfort as I held him in my arms. Every physical and spiritual fulfillment in a man I ever wanted. Not once did I want anyone else. No one could take his place.

We were to renew our vows. I practiced for months, my new vows-I would repeat them in the car, or in the grocery store silently. I could not wait to begin our next years with good histories, and good hearts. To show him in renewed vows how over many years, ups and downs, I held solid in my devotion.

And then promises were broken.

At first I focused mainly on how I couldn’t even breathe without him. A pattern of hurtful words, plans never made and even an affair. I endured pulling him back from someone else’s arms, his eyes so sincere with lies, his words so very melodical and spellbinding. I listened believing every word he said. I crushed every time he entered a room. I could not see or believe what was going on. No Christmas presents, no birthday presents, no anniversary plans carried through, talking to me like I was a stranger, a list too long to share.

I often asked myself, ‘What did I do?’ or ‘Why did he do this?’ It took a while for me to figure this out. He had changed. I did not change. My love was still strong. I could battle all external things, but not the man himself.

His last promise he made was that he was going to come back to me and we would live together always, never to be apart, grow old together. He told me he cried when he thought of what a mistake it was he said by telling me goodbye two days after Christmas. Then just weeks ago he tells me that his job has become more important and he knows I have a job that I finally have after years of looking. When a man picks a job over his wife…well it’s time to leave. But that’s not the worst promise broken.

The one thing I asked him not to break was that I asked him not to put me through any more pain. This was my final outcome.

I took the final step and decided to walk away. I am ready now. He has lost the one thing he should have never let go of. I think I deserve better. I am the one who has no guilt, or remorse. And it takes my own strength to break the chains I put on myself by loving a man and forgetting to respect myself.

There is strength in the power of goodbye, it all begins with courage.

A Beautiful Rose That Has Withered Away

She was sitting there. in the front row of the classroom.. She was the hyperactive chatty gal that I would love to loathe…

At first sight, there was simply nothing extraordinary about her. I was annoyed at her seemingly uncontrollable mischievous personality. But then again, I looked beyond that and recognized her warm and mature personality… And that her large brown eyes enthralled me….Captivating me with her sweet and jovial smile…

I fell in love with her……..

There was only one thing I can… and must… do… I gotta let her know how I feel.. I did, and that’s the start of a wonderful, forever lasting love… or at least that’s what I thought.

Those were the happiest times of my life. I would call her numerous times a day….. Life for me was heavenly. I had always dreamt of loving my other significant half to the max, even when I was a young child. This was a dream come true for me. She was almost the perfect girl I had dreamt about before. She loved me as much as I love her (I still do…). I would embrace her tightly to feel her warmth and kiss softly on her forehead. I long to be with her forever. Words alone could not describe the blissful times I had with her. Her distinctive voice would just banish my blues away. We never squabbled before. Life is truly a heaven to experience such a true love. For me, true love is always 0.1% lust, 0.9% attraction and 99.0% appreciation. I had always appreciated her and so did she.

Those times went on for 2 years. But then, the inevitable happened. She became aloof, unresponsive and her cheerful disposition had diminished. “What happened to her”? I asked myself…Gradually, she lessen her phone calls to me. I tried coaxing her to talk to me but to no avail. Then, after weeks of coaxing, she finally told me that she had changed (she didn’t know why, it just came all of a sudden). She told me that our characters do not match and sad to say that we should not continue the relationship. She implied that I’m a person who does not care much about the world around me (which is quite true as I don’t trust friends and I’m quite a loner) She also said that there are small little things that also add up to her unhappiness. I was devastated… I didn’t know that she felt that way all this time… Well, I knew about my weaknesses but I thought that she accepted them. I cried and pleaded her to stay on with me but to no avail as it was only the most sensible thing for a matured person (such as herself) to do. She said that its better for us to separate rather than go deeper into an unhappy relationship than is doomed to failure (which is, sad to say, true). I am still in a deep depressed state. Its been 4 months since she broke up with me…

How I hope to be with her again. Its actually not her fault. She was doing the only sensible thing (to break up before we go any deeper). Sometimes, I feel like life’s fragile…..

A beautiful thing like love can be ended abruptly Feels like a precious thing had been taken away from me…

Just like a beautiful rose that withered away….

Where Is The Love?

Imagine for a second that a young couple so deep in love that they can’t see beyond each other’s eyes, plan out not only a pending wedding but as well what will be a blueprint for the rest of their lives together.

Next imagine that for one night all is forgotten. It’s funny how your world can turn upside down in an instant either for good or the bad. The ironic thing is that she wound up doing both to me. Now I have some simple philosophies about relationships and one of them just seems to be about trust.

“I will always trust you until you give me a reason not to.” She said that there was going to be a girl’s nite out at a local club and I told her I was fine with it because she needed it (We were both going through some stress at the time). After finding out that she had already decided not to come back till around 3 in the morning, I decided to make plans for myself so as I wouldn’t be left alone all night. I went to the other side of town to hang out with my best friend whom I haven’t seen for a long while. I planned everything out perfectly so that I would be at home right around 3 about the same time as her. Well as the night progressed I was starting to get a little dependant on her call. I was waiting to hear how here night was going or for her to as how my night was going…… no call at all.

Right around 2 I decided to call her it was no surprise that she was totally wasted but thanks to her friend from work she was able to get home safely. I rushed to get back home but was only able to make it by 3 like I had intended. As I entered our apartment I found her boots lying in the living room and also found her sound asleep in the room. Now here is the part where I do admit that I could be wrong. As I was setting up to go to sleep as well, I checked her phone and her text messages only to find that she had sent various messages to someone named Anna. By my own knowledge Anna is a female name but these messages weren’t made out on that fact. It seemed that she was sending messages to someone named Ricky which I can only think was her ex-boyfriend before I came along a year ago. You also have to keep in mind, that was the last piece of the puzzle that confirmed my suspicions. On earlier occasions she would step out of a room to make a call, became very private about the things she did when I wasn’t around, and to top it all off was acting very separated towards me. I think that if it looks like shit, smells like shit, then 10 times out of 10 it is shit. My only assumption was that she is cheating on me. Now here I am, the following day pouring my heart out to anyone that will listen. Everything I have in life is in her. My family is in another state, we’ve invested so much into each other, and basically outside of this I have nothing. Just in case your wondering if i’m making myself look like a saint, i’m gonna give you some quick details about myself. I’m not a drinker, or a smoker. I’m from what people tell me funny, caring, and at sometimes out going. I have never done anything to harm her and have treated her like a queen. I guess I am a saint after all.

any advice?

I guess with everything in life we are just going to wait and see the outcome. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story.

Crushed

It was last year when I met him during a school carnival. I was walking with my friend into the school of business when she bumped into her classmates. I didn’t know what actually happened but I remembered I was staring at this particular guy in the group. From that day onwards, he never left my mind.

After months of consideration, I finally took the first step. I wrote a letter to him confessing I actually was attracted by him and if we could be friends. I got my friend to pass him the letter and we started being friends.

At first, he didn’t know what I looked like as he didn’t remember seeing me. One day, my friend tricked me into going to her computer lab. He was there. It was then we first met and spoke. He shook my hand and introduced himself. Ever since then, I started seeing more of him.

I started sending him messages to his cell phone daily. It could be a daily good-night message or just to tell him to take care. He would usually reply to my messages. One day, after the exams, I finally asked him out. We went to eat dinner and after that, we went back to school at night and sat at the exit staircase staring at the stars, drinking and chatting. It was then I felt that I was really in love with this guy. He sent me home later. From that day on, I could not get him out of my mind.

Somehow, I started seeing him quite often. He works at Starbucks so I would go there to study and hang out. Hanging out was just an excuse for me to see him. We would bump into each other in school daily and smile and say Hi. Sometimes, we would joke around and just chat.

During Christmas, I bought a gift for him. It took me some time to actually pass it to him. He was appreciative. In return, he gave me a wallet. At first, I was joyful. Then, I found out he gave my friend a Christmas present too when she hadn’t bought him anything. But that didn’t mean anything to me. Receiving a gift from him was all I could think of.

Months later, after our second trip to the movies we started seeing each other less and the messages became less. After 4 months, I finally got my friend to ask whether he liked me or he knew my feelings for him. All the while, she wanted to ask him that but I wasn’t ready to face the truth. Deep down in my heart, I actually knew the answer but I couldn’t face up to reality. After 4 months, I felt I was ready.

I got my answer. He rejected me. He didn’t like me. However, my friend didn’t tell me that. Instead, she got another friend to tell me the answer over the phone. I kept silent and tears started falling from my eyes. The tears just kept falling. It didn’t stop.

My heart was shattered. It left a scar behind. I no longer can love. I no longer can face him. To me, love was a mistake. But I would never regret ever loving him.

True Love Was Ours Then We Lost It

Almost 3 yrs ago I let my true love go, not because I didn’t love him, but because at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. You may have all heard of my story – (Lessons in true love sometimes means letting go)? Well I still think of him very much and hurt from the lack of his touch and from the songs he would sing to me.

This Man was very much In love with me. Every time we were with each other he would give me his fullest attention and I would give him mine in return. Everytime we were apart we would feel that crazy feeling until we would be wrapped up in each others arms again. Then the day came that we would say “so-long”… it was not a bad break-up or anything, it was a heartfelt one, meaning that we parted with broken hearts because we were still so much In love with each other He was needed by his children who lived thousands of miles away from me and I have children here where they needed to be at the time because their father was here too, (not living with me). I had no choice but to stay, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

After Rick had left I waited for a call or an email, anything that would let me know he was safe, but I never received anything from him for a long time. I started thinking, was it only me hurting as bad as it seemed? I would talk to his friend Jay and ask, “has he heard from Rick?”, ‘yes! and he is doing fine.’

I was so hurt that he would call Jay and not me because I thought he would be more concerned about me and how I was getting on with my life.

I kept getting news from Jay about what Rick was doing but still no word, then I heard that Rick found himself a lady!

My heart broke.

After 6 months I came to terms with it – at least I thought I come to terms that it was over. I had started leaning on my best ‘online – male friend, Ken’. We started getting serious about each other after a few months, maybe because at the time we were just two lonely people. In the meantime things were getting really bad at home, my ex was harassing me and I started getting concerned for my childs mental health, and my own, so I did what I thought at the time was best for us. I moved to another state which gave my Daughter an advantage because her grades went up and she had many dreams fulfilled and Ken treated me good but seemed always frustrated with me because he is so set in his ways ( which he never showed me online, but not in a bad way, just a snobbish kind of way at times).

During some times Ken is very good to me and I do Love him. After being here a few months Rick showed up online and we started talking as friends even now deep down I was upset with him but I pretended to be over him.

These are the childish things all of us do sometimes in life I guess, but a year later we started opening up again. Rick now lives with another woman and he loves her very much they have even just completed upon a home they bought to live in and his children have given him a lot of grief since his return.

A few days ago he told me how special I was and told me he was still in love with me and missed me so much. He told me he was always proud to be by my side and told me he thought of me often and that I was beautiful and missed how we would write songs together and sing. He even told me I was the Best woman he has ever been with. And I told him I still loved him too and missed him with all my heart and all my soul but we have a problem now and we both are very caring to people around us. See now we have other partners and we don’t have the heart to hurt them because for one I know Ken has been hurt 3 times in his life by women leaving him for another man and I am not sure of Rick’s girlfriend’s past relations but I do see the pain in Ken’s eyes still from his heartbreaks and I won’t be the cause of another. So now I have to live once again with this yearning inside me and the need to be with Rick because I ca’t leave Ken without him wanting me to go himself. All I can say is I love Ken very much and I thank him for taking my child and me into his life and sheltering us from the pain I felt when I let Rick go and for saving me from the mental abuse that my ex was throwing at me and saving my childs future because she is graduating this year with High grades compared to the failing grade she had where we once lived, also for treating my daughter like his on I do Thank Ken very much so. But I also want to thank Rick for letting me experience true love because he did a lot for me too and to let the whole world know I still am very much I n love with him and no matter how hard I try I will carry him inside my heart till the day I die because I want so bad to be with him but I can’t do that to Ken and he surely can’t do that to his Lady either. Aching Inside Always, M

If You Love Her Enough

by  Bill Walls

My friend John always has something to tell me. He knows so much that young men have to have older and more worldly wise men to tell them. For instance who to trust, how to care for others, and how to live life to the fullest.

Recently, John lost his wife Janet. For eight years she fought against cancer, but in the end her sickness had the last word.

One day John took out a folded piece of paper from his wallet. He had found it, so he told me, when he tidied up some drawers at home. It was a small love letter Janet had written. The note could look like a school girl’s scrawls about her dream guy. All that was missing was a drawing of a heart with the names John and Janet written in it. But the small letter was written by a woman who had had seven children; a woman who fought for her life and who probably only had a few months left to live.

It was also a beautiful recipe for how to keep a marriage together.

Janet’s description of her husband begins thus: “Loved me. Took care of me. Worried about me.”

Even though John always had a ready answer, he never joked about cancer apparently. Sometimes he came home in the evening to find Janet in the middle of one of those depressions cancer patients so often get. In no time he got her into the car and drove her to her favourite restaurant.

He showed consideration for her, and she knew it. You cannot hide something for someone who knows better.
“Helped me when I was ill,” the next line reads. Perhaps Janet wrote this while the cancer was in one of the horrible and wonderful lulls. Where everything is — almost — as it used to be, before the sickness broke out, and where it doesn’t hurt to hope that everything is over, maybe forever.

“Forgave me a lot.”

“Stood by my side.”

And a piece of good advice for everyone who looks on giving constructive criticism as a kind of sacred duty: “Always praising.”
“Made sure I had everything I needed,” she goes on to write.

After that she has turned over the paper and added: “Warmth. Humour. Kindness. Thoughtfulness.” And then she writes about the husband she has lived with and loved the most of her life: “Always there for me when I needed you.”

The last words she wrote sum up all the others. I can see her for me where she adds thoughtfully: “Good friend.”

I stand beside John now, and cannot even pretend to know how it feels to lose someone who is as close to me as Janet was to him. I need to hear what he has to say much more than he needs to talk.

“John,” I ask. “How do you stick together with someone through 38 years — not to mention the sickness? How do I know if I can bear to stand by my wife’s side if she becomes sick one day?”

“You can,” he says quietly. “If you love her enough, you can.”

Love Hurt Sometimes

Then, I would never have believed that ten years after we split I would still think of him. The scientist in me is always surprised to rediscover this fact: That a person can truly be broken. Forever. There is no “It was for the best” here; no hard earned wisdom that I am glad I came by. Our split was simply a complete and utter destruction of my person. Life can be that way. Eventually you have to move on; Life, again, compels you. And, after all, I wanted to be happy again. So, you pick up what’s left, reinvent what isn’t and go on.

I think the specter of our breakup has changed me far more than our relationship. Away from the warm glow of naivete, the memories of us seem trite. It is true that only we assign meaning to our experiences. On paper they mean nothing. We went camping with my family. I snuck clandestine visits to his house after school. He biked out to my house in the middle of the night. We hung out with his friends. He got the chicken pox. We made out in the hallways at school and passed notes. We drove – a lot, we drank some, we smoked pot once. And of course we had sex, my first. We were in going to be married, you see.

Mostly, we had no fear. We talked about ourselves, our dreams, our childhoods, our parents. Each discussion was a wonderful opening, with no fear of what we might discover or lose. Every fact, every feeling shared was a precious thing to be cherished and savored. Our universe did not understand the possibility of loss.

Eventually, there was another. There always is in these stories. She took him away with a kiss. To explain the complete and utter vacancy of the following months would be difficult. At least there were tangible side effects: the loss of 25 pounds, the withdrawal, the tears, and tears, and tears. To this day I have not replenished them. Only after I rebuilt myself did he want me back. But the me had that had been was lost.

It is more than ten years later. The person he missed hasn’t returned. I don’t think she will. I look for her sometimes, in boxes of old things, but she is never there. The beach is my place now. It is small consolation for a lost self. I know now that our relationship was far from perfect. I know what he has done with his life, and what I have done with mine, and logically, I understand them to be incompatible. What I really miss is the me that didn’t consider such things.

I see him in dreams sometimes. We approach, we talk; we are never lovers. In my dreams we travel asymptotic paths; never crossing, almost touching, our current lives the tiny infinite gap between us. I like my life now. It makes me happy. But above all, I can never forgive him. It’s not that he was perfect. It’s not that we were perfect. It’s simply that he was my Everything, and he chose to leave.

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes
This site is protected by WP-CopyRightPro